


can i go where you go?

by frankoceansmoonriver



Series: i'll find your lips in the street lights [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drinking Games, Established Relationship, M/M, post Endgame, preserum steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 11:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22969384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankoceansmoonriver/pseuds/frankoceansmoonriver
Summary: “So I get to ask you any twenty questions, no catch?”“You get to ask me nineteen more,” Steve says, all playful, and takes another swig of beer.“But that was before I knew we were playing a game!”“Do you wanna play or not, Barnes?”“Fine,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes. “Then I guess I’m up.”Or, the one where Steve and Bucky get drunk at dinner and end up playing drinking games.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: i'll find your lips in the street lights [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565269
Kudos: 61





	can i go where you go?

**Author's Note:**

> this is a continuation of the winter soldier has a tiny boyfriend series, in which 1940 preserum steve time travels to 2024 to be with buck, fun stuff. you can absolutely read this without reading the first part, but there will be a couple things that might trip you up if you don't (though it's pretty minor). 
> 
> this series is just a lot of nonsense, a fluffy, silly time. we're just here to have fun.

It starts with a bottle of red wine with dinner. Bucky likes cooking for Steve and has gotten very good at pairing wines. Natalia started it really. He misses her.

Bucky and Steve finish the pasta as well as the bottle of wine, and with the buzz along with the promise of a day free of classes, Steve cracks open two beers from the fridge. He hands one to Bucky with a smirk across his face. Bucky smiles back. It feels like an evening when they would get back from one of their bad double dates and share a few pulls off a bottle of whiskey, getting drunker before falling into bed together, tangling up together and blaming staving off the cold if they ended up sleeping with their limbs folded over each other.

“Thank you,” Bucky says, pushing the hair away from his eyes. He wants a cigarette but doesn’t allow himself the luxury. Steve doesn’t like it, even if Bucky has super soldier serum running through him. It’s still a bad habit nowadays. Plus, this Steve is still plain old human. The smoke ain’t good for him either.

“What would you say to some music? No TV tonight? We can pretend it’s the dark ages again,” Steve says.

Steve has been in the future for just a little over a year, and naturally he’s been handling it perfectly. He fits in well here. It’s been fun to watch him come into himself here. Bucky loves it, in fact.

“That’d be nice. You pick, I know you’re sick of my choices,” Bucky says, laughing and recalling two days ago, when he had woken Steve up by singing an old boy band classic from 2012.

“You’re so good to me, Buck,” Steve says, sipping his beer, and then goes to the record player to put on an Allman Brothers record. He’s partial to the sixties and seventies. Bucky doesn’t get it so much, but he loves that Steve loves it.

“So what do you wanna do Stevie? We could play cards,” Bucky suggests.

“Besides kissin’ you up and down? Hm,” Steve teases. “I wanna ask you somethin’ though. I’ve wanted to for a while but I’ve been waiting.”

Bucky doesn’t worry. If it had been six months ago he would have been worried, but he’s okay now that he knows Steve loves him proper.

“What is it?”

“I want you to be honest. Do you miss him? The other me?”

“What a stupid question,” Bucky blurts, kneejerk. He takes a sip of his beer and then tilts his head and sighs. “Yes. But not like you think.”

“Well how do you mean then?”

“I don’t miss him, because you’re here. You’re right here. It’s just that there are years missing for you. We grew up more together, in all the fighting. But I hated the fighting, so it’s a mixed bag.” Bucky shrugs. “I get one now: do you sometimes wish you could have been him?”

“Nah,” Steve says, smiling wide.

“Not even a little?”

“I did what had to be done at the time, but this life? The one I get to spend with you, all out in the open? I would choose this every time. I like helping with missions from a tactile standpoint, but I wanted to fight so bad before because it was good and important then. But I don’t wanna kill anybody. I only wish I could have been out there with you too. So that those missing years wouldn’t be missing.”

Bucky likes that answer. He nods along with Steve.

“I have an idea,” Steve says, peeling at the corner of the label on his beer bottle. “It’s this game I learned from some friends at school. It’s usually just a good way to get to know someone new but I have questions, and I think you might have some for me too.”

“What is it?” Bucky asks.

“Twenty questions. Pretty self-explanatory. If you don’t want to answer, you drink instead.”

“So I get to ask you any twenty questions, no catch?”

“You get to ask me nineteen more,” Steve says, all playful, and takes another swig of beer.

“But that was before I knew we were playing a game!”

“Do you wanna play or not, Barnes?”

“Fine,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes. “Then I guess I’m up.”

Bucky takes a while to think. If he’s got a limited number of questions, he wants to make them count. He watches Steve, who sits with his elbows resting on his kneecaps. Steve narrows his eyes back at Bucky, and they study each other as Bucky thinks. Finally, he comes up with something he deems worthy. “So when your Ma died, I asked you to live with me. For a while, you refused. I always thought you were just being a stubborn asshole but, what was the real reason?”

Steve scoffs and it turns into a little self-deprecating laugh. He takes a sip of his beer, but it isn’t a refusal to answer. His eyes roam the walls of their apartment, and after huffing out a sigh he finally answers.

“You’re right, part of it was just me being a stubborn asshole. I wanted to prove to you that I could get by on my own, and I refused help for too long because I was too proud. But mostly, I was afraid that if I lived with you, it would ruin us.”

“Ruin us?” Bucky asks.

“Is that your next question?” Steve says, cocking an eyebrow.

“No, it’s just a statement: Elaborate.”

“Sounds more like a demand, but okay.” He shrugs, then drinks again. “It was bad enough when we would have sleepovers before Ma died, and we’d sleep back to back, and I could feel you breathing against me. I was scared that if we lived together, I’d do something awful like kiss you or just flat out tell you I loved you after we were fighting over something stupid, like how I’d gone and gotten my nose busted again. It was just. I was never scared you would be mad about it. I was never scared you would stop being my friend, but I just knew you would turn me down. I knew that if I did do something stupid, you’d have to sit me down and let me down all gentle and it was the idea of that pity that was worst of all. I was just so afraid of that pity. And it would ruin us. It very nearly did when I came here.”

“I was afraid of that too,” Bucky says, voice going very quiet and low. “I was nervous it would be all over my face if I saw you waking up lookin’ all cute like you always did, when you’d roll over with your hair all messy. I made myself get over it though, because I knew I couldn’t let you be alone.”

“Okay,” Steve says, sitting up a little straighter. “So here’s mine: if you would have come back from the war, and I was waiting for you, would you have told me?”

“Back then, no fuckin’ way,” Bucky says, feeling sad about things he doesn’t need to feel sad about anymore. “Nothin’ in heaven or hell would have gotten me to say that out loud to you.”

“Jesus, Buck. Why not?”

“Is that _your_ next question?”

“No!” Steve exclaims, and Bucky laughs.

“Okay. So I’ll elaborate. It’s pretty simple really. I loved you too much to do that to you. Back then it wouldn’t have been safe, and if we ever got caught, which we would have, I would never have forgiven myself. Besides, you don’t do anything half assed Steve, if you would have had to keep it a secret it would have eaten you alive, and I never would have made you choose between me and having a safe, full life. Never ever. It’s simple.”

“That’s a horrible thing to say, Buck.”

“I’m not wrong. Tell me I’m wrong,” Bucky says, and polishes off his beer. He’s smiling at Steve, even though the statement is hard to stomach. He stands up and goes to get them two more beers. They’re going to need a lot more beer.

“You’re not…you’re not wrong. I just hate it so much. Come here. Kiss me, just real quick.”

Bucky comes back with their beers and sits down next to Steve. He puts his metal hand on Steve’s skinny thigh and squeezes. He kisses him until he feels Steve start to smile into it.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m kind of killing the mood.”

“It’s fine, I’m the one who asked. You’re turn.”

Bucky swallows down more beer, and thinks of something that will be less of a downer. When he does, he smiles to himself.

“So what ever happened with that Daniel guy?”

Steve’s eyes go wide. He shakes his head and then drinks from his bottle. It’s a long drink, a purposeful one.

“Seriously?! You’re not gonna answer?” Bucky demands.

“It’s embarrassing!” Steve says.

“Well now I have to know.”

“No, not like that. The whole thing with him was very, very embarrassing, but only I was aware of how ridiculous it was and I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Stevie! Come on, you buzzkill! Please, pretty please, with a cherry, and the sprinkles, and nuts, and whip cream, all of it, please?” Bucky tilts his head and throws Steve one of his half smiles, the one he used to throw at shop girls to let him take extra food home for half the price.

“With that face, awe, Buck, don’t give me those eyes!” Steve groans. He takes another long drink, groans again, and then sighs, resigned to his fate. “Nothin’ _happened_ , if you must know. It almost did, but I shut it down before it went very far. He started texting me, and it was very forward, and I liked that because I was just miserable over you, so I went with it for a bit, the texts, and sometimes phone calls. I liked the attention, and I’d never had a boy pay me that kind of attention before so, I went on the date, and we were having a nice time. We were in the middle of a walk around Central and I realized I just couldn’t go through with it because he was holding my hand and he. You’re gonna hate this, but I’m sorry, he looks like a shitty version of you, with the hair and all, and I just told him I wasn’t feeling well and I went home. I may or may not have called Sam and eaten a lot of Indian food after the whole ordeal. Anyway, it’s highly embarrassing and I don’t want to talk about him ever again.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and shakes his head, laughing the whole time. “I wanted to rip that guy’s head off when I saw him. Besides, he doesn’t have the bone structure to pull the long hair off.”

Steve shoves Bucky and laughs. “Don’t be mean Buck.”

They work their way through the six pack in the fridge and then open a bottle of Disaronno, which had been a gift from Sam. They’re certainly drunk at this point, but that only fuels their little game.

“I wanna know who’s had you,” Steve says. His voice is low and deep in the way that makes Bucky want to pull his own hair out. His eyes are drilling holes into Bucky’s skull. Steve’s drunk, but he’s determined, and that determination is always a little terrifying.

“Hell Steve, what does it matter?” Bucky mumbles. “You know you’re the only one who’s had me, really, wrapped around your fuckin’ finger all these years.”

“No, don’t pay me compliments to avoid the question. It’s not a matter of being jealous, what am I gonna do, go dig a bunch of old men out of their graves? I’m just…curious. I want to know everything about you. Can’t help it.”

Steve’s face is red and Bucky doesn’t know if it’s just a flush from the alcohol or if he’s blushing at the thought of Bucky with other men.

“It’s just morbid curiosity then.”

“Yeah, guess so. I know I’m not your first. It doesn’t bother me. How could I have been? Everyone who met you adored you and wanted you for themselves. All of Brooklyn, greedy like that.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “I think you had me on a bit of a pedestal, sweetheart.”

“Absolutely not. You’ve been dead gorgeous since always, it’s infuriating actually.”

“Whatever you say,” Bucky replies. It’s not like he doesn’t remember what he was like back in the thirties. He knew he was good looking, and used it to his advantage whenever he could. Still, that doesn’t mean he wants to think about all the men he used to fool around with, biting his tongue before he could say Steve’s name at the end of all those encounters.

“So are you gonna tell me, or are you gonna drink?”

“There were five,” Bucky blurts. He takes a long drink after he says it. “Don’t ask me their names, I don’t know them.”

“None of them?”

“I know one. He died shortly after. I didn’t know him well, so I didn’t mind so much. Two happened in Brooklyn, while we were living together. The other three were after I drafted. I sought them out, till you showed up.”

“Damn,” Steve says softly. “I’m sorry Buck.”

“Don’t be. It was a long time ago. I really hardly remember them, if I’m being honest.”

They drink more amaretto. Bucky feels fairly tipsy, so he can’t imagine how drunk Steve is feeling, but Steve doesn’t show it much. He gets giggly, but he keeps the questions coming.

Eventually, Bucky lands on a question that shocks him when it leaves his mouth.

“So why’d you lie about the kiss?” Bucky asks. He’s fairly drunk, so it’s no surprise that Steve looks very confused.

“What are you talking about?” Steve rubs at his eye, sleepy and drunk, a blush crawling down his neck.

“When we first got together, you said you thought you’d have to live off that one kiss but I know that you kissed me before the night you got here. I know you did, you can’t lie. You _told_ me about it.”

“I didn’t kiss you!” Steve exclaims. “When in the world would I have kissed you, I would have given myself a heart attack!”

“But you said!” Bucky insists. “ _You_ said that you did! On my eighteenth birthday!”

Steve brings both hands up over his mouth, his long fingers folding over his cute little mouth, covering his chin, so that Bucky can really only see his big blue eyes encased in the dark glasses.

“I did, God help me I did. I told you that?!”

“Is it really so surprising that you did?”

“Yes! I’m so embarrassed. I never, ever should have done that!”

“That’s what you said before,” Bucky says, and polishes off his, what is it now, sixth drink?

“I don’t know how to answer that,” Steve says, and he looks so sad that Bucky instantly regrets this line of questioning. He had thought it would be funny, a light jab, but now Steve’s face is doing something awful with the way it’s crumpling up.

“Baby, I didn’t mean to upset you. I don’t care that you did, you know that right?”

“But it wasn’t right. I took advantage of you.”

“I’ve been reliably informed that I kissed you back, asshole.”

“But you were so drunk and tired, barely knew what was going on, that’s so messed up.”

“Quit actin’ like you stuck your hand down my pants. Would you look at me, those mopey eyes are making my chest hurt.”

Steve looks up. He rolls his eyes half-heartedly. He’s beating himself up over something so small. “What?” Steve asks, voice tiny for once.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. We got drunk, and you kissed a boy because you loved him. I should have been so lucky. Now, pour me another drink.”

Steve finally laughs. He pushes himself off the carpet and takes Bucky’s glass from him. Bucky clinks his glass with Steve’s. “Now, your turn to ask me a question.”

Steve has changed the record. It’s Born in the USA by Springsteen, which Bucky really, really isn’t all that fond of, but it’s one of Steve’s favorite albums so far. Steve sits back down, letting the record spin. He wobbles a little when he sits back down.

Bucky wants to ask about Carter, but of course this Steve only knows her by name. He’s drunk though, and still curious about certain things, and feeling a little silly, so he asks the next best thing.

“What’s it like to like girls?”

“What?” Steve asks, and giggles loudly.

“You know, how you like girls like you like boys, like I just like…think that’s cool. I’m just like…so fucking gay,” Bucky says, and then bursts out laughing. They both do. Bucky finally contains his laughter. “Shuri used to make fun of me. She used to tease me all the time and I didn’t get all of what she was saying but, she always teased me and it was the first time it was like, in a nice way about it.” Bucky knows he’s rambling. He’s pretty drunk. They’ve been mixing things. First the wine, then the beer, now the bottle of amaretto. “I sometimes wished I liked girls. That seemed nice sometimes.”

“Well they sure as hell loved you,” Steve blurts. He laughs again. “But, um…” Steve trails off. He narrows his eyes and pouts his lips, trying to concentrate on his answer. “Girls are just…really pretty. You were the only boy I noticed back in the thirties. Like, I was obsessed with you, so I only noticed you. Girls were easier but, they didn’t like me as much. They like me now way more.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asks, lightly shoving Steve’s shoulder.

“For some reason, a lot of girls have asked me out. At school. I don’t know what the difference is.”

“You didn’t tell me that!”

“Yeah I’ve had to tell like, five girls I have a boyfriend. Then they think that’s really cute. I like the twenty first century,” Steve mumbles, and takes another drink. “I also really like this drink.”

“You’ve been turning girls down left and right and you didn’t even tell me.”

“I didn’t see the point. Not much to tell. You know what girls really like me though?”

“What girls really like you Stevie?”

“Lesbians,” Steve slurs, and starts laughing again.

Bucky nearly chokes on his drink. He throws his head back and laughs. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“Lesbians are like…the coolest.” Steve’s eyes trail around the room, then land back on Bucky. “What was your question again?”

“What’s it like, to like girls? Focus up Rogers!”

“I don’t know, I just think they’re pretty, and really smart. Usually a lot smarter than boys. They care about things more too. I don’t know Buck, but I just do. Didn’t help me a whole lot when it came to you though.”

“It’s cause I’m just as pretty as girls,” Bucky says, smiling wide.

“Shut up, you know you’re pretty, it’s annoying.”

“You’re pretty too. That’s why all those lesbians like you.”

Steve snorts. “You know what, I think you’re right.” He lays down on the floor on his back. He stretches and pokes Bucky’s metal arm with his toe. “How many questions do I have left?”

“I don’t know, I lost count.”

“When did you know you loved me?”

Bucky hums. “It was sneaking up on me for a while, but there was one night when I was fourteen and we were having a sleepover when your Ma was working late. We did that thing where we put the couch cushions on the floor and you had fallen asleep, and you were snoring and it was like, so cute. And I thought to myself, I’m in love with this boy, and I didn’t understand what that was supposed to mean but I just knew like, if I could I would spend my whole life with you. Watching you sleep. It was really, really scary.”

“What’s your favorite thing about the twentieth century?”

Bucky grins. “You’re skipping my turn.”

“So what? Answer, Barnes.”

“Besides the fact that I get to be with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Everything. I like getting to paint my nails black, and I like wearing all black. I like that people can just be people. I like that people seem to be getting smarter. There are less rules. There are still so many bad things but I can’t help but feel like it’s all getting better. I like the food, and the people, and getting to know that one day I can marry you.”

“You wanna marry me?”

Bucky bites his bottom lip. Fuckin’ alcohol. Fuckin’ Steve.

Steve’s mouth hangs open. He hunches over and holds his hand to his stomach, like he’s gotten the wind knocked out of him. He looks strange, like maybe he’s gonna be sick. Bucky swallows down the last of his drink.

“You don’t look too happy about that.”

“I’m just shocked. I didn’t think you’d want nothin’ like that.”

“That I wouldn’t wanna get married?”

“Yeah. After everything, I don’t know. I sort of thought…you’d find the idea, off putting maybe?” Steve shrugs. The sick look on his face is fading into something softer.

“I don’t know. I used to hate the idea of marriage because it used to mean just…the death of me. But it’s you. Would you hate it if I said that I would love to be married to you?”

“Of course not.” A smile forms on Steve’s face. His face goes bright, a smile cracking across his cheeks. “You wanna marry me, Bucky Barnes!” Steve puts his drink down on the carpet and crawls over to Bucky. Bucky lays down on his back and Steve straddles him. Steve kisses both sides of his face. “You wanna marry me.”

“This isn’t a proposal Rogers. You’re far too young. And we’ve only been together a handful of months. This ain’t no proposal. I’m drunk, off my head completely.”

“Yeah, but you wanna marry me.”

“And you wanna marry me.”

“Yeah I do. A lot. I wanna call you my husband. That would be my favorite thing.”

“You’d be a bad husband Steve. You can’t cook, and you leave your dirty socks on the floor.”

“You’d be a terrible husband. I’m always finding your hair in the sink. You shed like a dog.”

Bucky laughs. He puts his hands on Steve’s waist. “I’m sick of talkin’. Kiss me till I forget my name.”

“Bad joke, Buck,” Steve says, but kisses him anyway.

_My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue_ __  
All's well that ends well to end up with you  
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

Lover, Taylor Swift

**Author's Note:**

> more to come! next up, steve's pov which means art school, training with sam, and as promised, bucky getting really into face masks. 
> 
> im dykecrowleys on tumblr, say hey! :)


End file.
